The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
