I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
