That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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