guys are only as good as the porn they watch
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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