she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
