I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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