I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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