Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
