Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
cat food counts as protein by the way
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
