Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
