I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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