even my farts smell like vagina
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
