i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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