And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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