At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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