Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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