trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
