high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize