Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
