stop calling my apartment porn island.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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