I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
