you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize