I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
