just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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