her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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