I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize