I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
