so explain again why im purple
no
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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