The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize