Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
