go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
