btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love having hate sex.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
