I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk is not a location!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
