i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
