Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
