you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
