So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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