got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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