Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
