she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
