Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
