Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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