i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
