i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
