I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
