I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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