Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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