FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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