my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
