i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
