We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
