now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
