I faked an abortion last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
