You work out of a Hotel?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
