Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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