And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Your face is a jimmy john
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
