she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
