it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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