by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
