I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
