Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
