I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
