I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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