Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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