I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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